Tis the season everyone! We’re in the thick of it now and I feel like talking about Christmas. Santa’s Slay is the 2005 horror/comedy film written and directed by David Steiman and starring Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, and Robert Culp. I honestly cannot believe I hadn’t sat down and watched this movie before this holiday season because it feels like something that’s right up my alley and combines some of my favorite things together. Like horror/comedy, Goldberg and pro wrestling, AND Christmas?! C’mon now, quit playing. From the jump this movie already doesn’t sound like it’s going to be cinema gold exactly (I mean Goldberg didn’t go on to have an extended run in Hollywood if that tells you anything), but it does sound like it’s going to deliver some outrageous and ridiculous fun. So, did it live up? Let’s talk about it.
I didn’t know I needed to see Bill Goldberg as an Evil Santa in my lifetime, but I think that’s actually exactly what I needed and it worked surprisingly well. He didn’t have to do too much serious or intense acting in a role like this either obviously. Just say an imposing or a cheesy one-liner here and there and use your pro wrestling background to your advantage the rest of the time by destroying stuff and raising hell on people. The plot of this film though and the lore behind Santa Claus himself was actually pretty interesting and original, which I was kind of surprised by considering the kind of goofy movie it really was. Basically, Santa is actually the son of Satan and was born on the same day as Jesus (Christmas). He caused chaos and raised hell every year as a celebration on his birthday until an angel disguised as a human challenged him to a curling duel one year with high stakes. When the angel won, Santa had to pay his dues and quit the violence and pain on Christmas and instead become a symbol of joy and cheer for a thousand years. Well, the thousand years was up, and Santa hadn’t learned a damn thing in that time and was ready to begin his reign of terror yet again. That’s honestly quite clever for a movie of this caliber it felt like, like that lore lent itself to a much darker and scarier story if it wanted itself to be. I think this went exactly the way they wanted it to though, and it certainly wasn’t serious. That made for some fun moments, just seeing Goldberg drop funny, crude one-liners as a full-on Santa Claus was undoubtably a good time, but not necessarily all of it played out as good as I imagined they hoped while filming.
I feel like this film came in so hot too. The opening scene had Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and James Caan in it, which ended up leading to a lot of fun seeing Santa Goldberg come in and interact/raise hell on all of them, but the movie was loaded with its slopes and valleys after that. As I said before, this movie knew it wanted to have dumb fun, but a lot of the humor just wasn’t very highbrow stuff. Like the dialogue itself just didn’t come off as funny a lot of the times, certain lines definitely hit me or caught me off guard but for the most part it wasn’t thoroughly humorous. That could’ve been in part due to poor acting as well, I thought most everyone played their part well, but I just wasn’t sold on the main kid. I’ve seen that he’s stuck around and done a lot of work even since then though so I’m sure he’s gotten much better and it’s not like he was given the best dialogue or material to work with here either so who’s to say who’s to blame. I’m not here to drag him I’ll say, this is an Evil Santa Christmas horror movie for gosh sake so not like it’s going to be recognized by the Academy, but he did just come off as maybe trying too hard sometimes if that makes sense? Even still though, the sometimes-poor humor and at times just bad acting or dialogue aside, this movie was just fun man. If you’re a horror fan and a pro wrestling fan like myself, and I know there’s plenty others like me as well, it’s just such an easy and enjoyable December watch. At least it was for me watching it for the first time this year, I don’t think it’ll be for everyone, but the crowd that would already be intrigued by this kind of movie anyways would be the crowd that enjoyed it. So, really that’s just knowing your audience and capitalizing on it, plus it’s pretty short so that makes it easier. Pour yourself a nice rum & eggnog or indulge in a THC Christmas cookie and turn this on and you’ll probably have a fun time; or you’ll at least not be bored. Bonus points for the Rankin/Bass animation style flashback/lore sequences in this film as well, they were probably my favorite part of the entire 80 minutes. Check it out now on Shudder, Tubi, or Pluto TV!
That’s all for now though folks! Continue to have a wonderful holiday season with the people you love and be kind to each other out there! Make sure to follow the page to keep up with all my latest content over pro wrestling, horror films, NFL football, and more! Thank you!
